Time Traveling Dog
Is time travel possible? It is a question that everyone has thought about at one time or another. The world’s smartest have tried to harness this power. Until recently, the closest we were to knowing about traveling to a different timeline is when we watched Marty McFly go back in time and almost fuck his mother. I am here today to tell you that Time Travel is possible. Follow me, as I tell you a magical tale about a dog that has accomplished this journey. Ladies, Gentlemen and Maggots, I introduce to you Gigi VonSnagglestoose. The Time Traveling Dog.
Look at the two pictures shown here. The picture on the left was taken on June 6th, 2017. Gigi is 7 years old here. She had just received a haircut. Bitch is shaved short. Streamlined. Ready to take on the Summer Heat. Now focus on the picture on the right. Gigi VonSnagglestoose. Same lazy ass dog. This time taking a nap on her back on the kitchen floor. Her tongue is hanging out. Probably dreaming about her favorite food, the Taco Bell Meximelt. Her fur is all over the place. Even though she is a disheveled mess, she is still a cute and ferocious beast. This picture was taken on June 12th, 2017.
Wait! What?! How the Fuck did her hair grow back in 6 days?! That’s not possible. Right?
On the afternoon of June 11th, 2017, Gigi disappeared for 6 hours. No one witnessed her vanish. No one witnessed her return. What did return was an older, slightly pudgier Gigi with a lot more hair. She was also sick. She was having a hard time breathing and was having sporadic seizures. Completely dumbfounded by what had unfolded before us, we took Gigi to the vet. After dental and bone scans, it was determined that Gigi was now 10 years old! 10 – 7 = 3. (That’s Mathematics!) Fucking Dog aged 3 years in 6 hours. The Vet, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of backlash from her patients and the scientific community, had this to say:
“Gigi has been under my care for 7 years. I am at a loss for words. I have never seen anything like this. The only way I could explain this drastic change in physical stature would be, time travel. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I am now a believer.”
How did this happen? We may never know. Where did she go? Was it the past? Was it the Future? Did she roam with dinosaurs or have hot inter-species sex with Marty McFly’s mother in 1955? The dog, in all her glory, was not capable of talking and we obviously could not get these answers from her.
Sadly, Traveling thru time put a serious strain on Gigi’s health and she passed away on Dec. 29th, 2017.
However, her Legacy lives on. Currently people in numerous countries around the world are hanging pictures of this Time Traveling Pekingese in the homes and businesses for good luck. She has a cult following of people who hope for Gigi’s return. Since it is unknown where she went, it is entirely possible that it was the future and that we will one day connect to whatever time frame she traveled to.
If you have any questions, comments or would like your very own picture of Gigi VonSnagglestoose, please email the 5hole.